A New Joke Every Day

[Bandit]

A New Joke Every Day

Please post a joke every day if you can.
I want a good laugh so give us the funniest jokes you know.

Here's my shot.

A man walks into a bar with a teddy bear on his head. The barman, being a bit puzzled inquires "Why have you got a teddy bear on your head?"

The man says, "Its my lucky mascot, I always come out with a teddy bear on my head every Tuesday, no fail."

The barman says, "But today is Wednesday."

The man says, "Dear me, I must look like a right idiot."

[Dez]

Two oranges motoring along in their cars when one stopped - he ran out of juice.
Well that's all form me today folks

[Bandit]

Three Blondes walked into the London Stock Exchange, you would have thought at least one would have saw it.

[Joseph]

Have you heard the one about a dyslexic man who walks into a bra

[Bandit]

A young girl said to his mother, "What were you doing bouncing up and down on daddy last night?"
Mammy says, "I have to do that, or daddy might get very fat and bouncing on him keeps him nice and trim."
The young girl says "That will never work."
Mammy says, "Why not?"
The girl says, "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again".

[Folly]

What does a pirate with a stutter say on his eightieth birthday when asked?
Aye, Aye, Matey!

[Bystander]

Billy, being mischievous, said to his friend, "Your mother is so fat that I started to print her picture off last night and this morning its still printing".

[Copie]

Two mice were gnawing away on a roll of film at the cinema.
One mouse said to the other mouse, "The book was much better".

[Dez]

A woman goes shopping in Tesco, she had to take her pet pig with her.
The manager says, "Please take that pig out of here".
The pig says, "ok sir, I will not let it happen again".

[Rodney]

What is the difference between a kangeroo and a kankeroot?
One is an animal and the other is a Scotsman locked in the toilet shouting "a can gerroot"